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As parents, we want our kids to be responsible. We also want them to become dependable, honest, committed, accountable for their behaviors, accept credit when doing things right and acknowledge mistakes for them to be successful.
Sometimes, we, parents confuse obedience with responsibility. We would love our children to do what we ask, to follow directions and to not question our authority which is understandable when raising our children. However, this is not responsibility! These traits are in fact classified as obedience. Over time, we want children to accept ownership for a task or chore and our children do it because it needs to be done and accept that it is their obligation to do it. Over time, they may even initiate doing a task because it needs to be done not because they are being told to do so. This attitude is called responsibility not obedience.
We do not want our children to fail which can lead us to do too much for our children. When this happens, the children don’t learn to take on the responsibility themselves. And I am no exception. I want them to achieve that I support them throughout even to the point of sacrificing my need just to sustain their needs in school.
It stressed me out when I need to give in to my kids’ yearning because they do not want to be late in the submission of their projects. I want them to learn how to take charge when something when wrong or doesn’t go according to plan. I do not want to take over their responsibilities but I also want them to learn in the process. Even if I feel like this but still worth it because each of them are really good in their craft despite their young age.
Right now, I am trying to set limits and boundaries, impose discipline, teach my children how they should behave, and give them guidance. By not meeting their needs immediately and not giving them everything they want, I provide them with an opportunity to tolerate some frustration, delay gratification, become less impulsive and less self-centered. By setting standards of behavior that I expect my children to meet, I establish consequences for breaking rules and I follow through on those consequences. I teach my children to be appreciative for what they have. It is through the executive role that I hold my children accountable for their behavior, and that in turn, fosters the development of a sense of responsibility.
But I am also a nurturing parent. I am kind and loving to my children. I listen to my children, support them, spend time with them, and are affectionate with them. I communicate my unconditional love – no matter what happens which allows my children to take risks, to make mistakes, knowing that they have my unconditional support and love.
REMEMBER: Children are more likely to accept the limits you set and are more likely to want to meet your expectations when you provide a warm, caring and supportive relationship that underlies the discipline you impose.
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