Salah, Ronaldo, an unbroken record and lovely pettiness


Mo Salah did not break a Ronaldo record we never knew existed after all. Plus, who is in his corner?

Record breakers

We have an awful lot of time for this level of pettiness.

After Mirror reporter John Cross wrote in all of the newspapers – including the Daily Express, who went very big on the claim – that Mo Salah had broken a record that we never knew existed (our favourite kind of record)…

Thursday’s EXPRESS Sport: “Siro Hero” #TomorrowsPapersToday

— Allie Hodgkins-Brown (@AllieHBNews) February 16, 2022

…how exactly did The Sun respond?

Mo Salah scores in EIGHTH successive away Champions League game but is still miles off Cristiano Ronaldo record

— The Sun – Man Utd (@SunManUtd) February 16, 2022

Take that, Crossy.

Obviously, the copy-cat nature of churnalism these days means that the Mirror soon had to reverse ferret on their own man, publishing this story:

‘Mo Salah moves one step closer to equalling historic Cristiano Ronaldo record’

Yes, he has moved from seven goals to eight, which is technically one step closer to 12. Also moving one step closer to Ronaldo’s record on Wednesday night was Roberto Firmino… just 11 more to go, Bobby.

Got to be certain
The match report from Inter Milan v Liverpool starts in mildly curious fashion in The Sun:

‘JUST when we thought Manchester City looked certs to get their hands on the trophy for the first time…

‘With one of their finest European performances under Jurgen Klopp – and there have been a few – Liverpool gave warning that maybe City’s painful wait could continue.’

Hands up who the f*** thought that Manchester City were ‘certs’ to win a trophy they have never previously won, just because they beat Sporting Lisbon 5-0?

Also, Bayern Munich and PSG want a word.

The rain in Spain…
The quest for sweet, sweet Ronaldo clicks brings the Mirror here:

‘Kylian Mbappe stuns fans by showing Cristiano Ronaldo influence in post-match interview’

Readers, he spoke Spanish. And Ronaldo used to live and work in Spain. This shit is easy if you have no soul.

You can’t handle the truth
Now Mediawatch is of the opinion that Ronaldo is doing rather more harm than good at Manchester United this season, but was this week really the week for the Manchester Evening News to go in two-footed with this?

‘Cristiano Ronaldo goalscoring truth is becoming harder for Manchester United to ignore’

He did just literally score his ninth Premier League goal of the season and only three players have actually scored more.

The truth is actually quite a lot easier to ignore than it was last week.

Debunk bed
‘Cristiano Ronaldo’s Man Utd allies as Marcus Rashford and Harry Maguire ‘grow annoyed” is how the Express website choose to report a story already debunked by Rashford himself. Oddly, there is no mention of that debunk by Jack Otway, who happily warms to the theme of disharmony in the Manchester United camp.

‘Bild reporter Christian Falk has claimed Rashford and Maguire are among United’s English-speaking players who are unhappy with Ronaldo wanting to ‘lead’ the club.’

And we would definitely trust a German on the subject of English-speaking players and a Portuguese player. Especially this one…

NOT TRUE ❌ is that @ManUtd will go for Ralf Rangnick. The talks between Rangnick and United in 2019 were very unsatisfactory for both sides

— Christian Falk (@cfbayern) November 24, 2021

But never mind that, we have been promised details of ‘Cristiano Ronaldo’s Man Utd allies’ and we want details of Cristiano Ronaldo’s Man Utd allies…

‘So who are the players siding with Ronaldo at present?’

Tell us.

‘It was then widely reported elsewhere that Fernandes, Alex Telles, Diogo Dalot and Fred were some of the players who were close to Ronaldo.

‘So they appear to be in his corner as other members of the dressing room turn on the veteran.’

So this whole story is based on Portuguese-speaking players ‘appearing’ to be in a Portuguese player’s corner in a feud already denied by one of the parties involved.


The Art of Economics
REVEALED on The Sun website is that ‘Arsenal HALVED their £157m wage bill in just ONE YEAR under Mikel Arteta… with costs even less than under Wenger’.

There’s a trophy right there.

Skirting over the fact that half of £157m is nowhere close to £87.2m, Mediawatch was amused by Arteta getting credit for ‘managing to get mega-flop Willian out the door. The Brazilian was believed to be earning almost £200,000-week’.

And who managed to bring mega-flop Willian in the door, again?

Welcome to Manchester
The Daily Telegraph, February 16: ‘Paul Pogba is ready to wait until the end of the season to decide his future and is willing to listen to all options, which could include proposals from Premier League clubs.’

Mirror, February 17: ‘Paul Pogba ‘open’ to Carlos Tevez repeat if he walks out on Man Utd this summer.’

We imagine that’s exactly what his agent is telling the press.

Oh and of course he is ‘open’ to joining the best team in Europe. Or at least he was until he realised they weren’t ‘certs’ to win the Champions League.

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