Content warning: This story includes discussions of sexual assault, depression, and suicidal ideation.
Simone Biles was initially in denial about the sexual assault she experienced, but with the help of her mom, she was able to reckon with what happened and start healing. Biles and her mom, Nellie, shared a few candid details about what that healing process was like in the new Facebook Watch series Simone vs. Herself.
Biles, 24, was one of the hundreds of people who were sexually assaulted by former USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar. But it took Biles some time to recognize that what she was experiencing as abuse, she explained in the new series.
“All those years, nobody really told us what sexual abuse was. So we didn’t feel like we were going through it or we were victims,” she explained. “I remember asking one of my friends, ‘Hey, if I’ve been touched here, have I been sexually assaulted?’ And I thought I was being dramatic at first.” But Biles said her friend confirmed that she had “absolutely” been assaulted.
Biles recalled her family asking her if anything had happened to her after news reports of Nassar’s abuse started coming out. But she would brush them off, saying that nothing happened to her and she didn’t want to talk about it.
“Talking to Simone about it, she was in denial. And she would be very angry when I would ask her anything,” her mom said. “I just gave her her space until she was ready to talk about it.”
Eventually she was ready to recognize what happened. “I remember driving on the highway,” she said, “I just remember breaking down and calling my mom; she told me to pull over.” Her mom described her as “hysterical” that day. “She didn’t say anything, she just cried,” Nellie Biles said. “And we just cried together because I knew what it was she wanted to talk about. She didn’t have to say anything.”
Biles also talked about the effect the trauma had on her mental health. “I was super depressed and I didn’t want to leave my room and I didn’t want to go anywhere. I just shut everybody out,” she said.
“I remember telling my mom and my agent that I slept all the time and it was because sleeping was better than offing myself. It was my way of escaping reality,” Biles explained. “Sleeping was the closest thing to death for me at that point, so I just slept all the time.”
These days Biles is continuing her gradual healing process. “With gymnasts, if you get injured you’re like, ‘Okay, your heal time is four to six weeks,’” she said. But with something traumatic like this, it’s harder to process because there isn’t a defined healing time. “There’s no time limit or healing time for this, so you just take it day by day,” Biles said.
If you’re thinking about hurting yourself or just need someone to talk to right now, you can get support by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or by texting HOME to 741-741, the Crisis Text Line. And here is a list of international suicide helplines if you’re outside the United States.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673). More resources are available online from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center.
Related:
- Simone Biles Just Won Her Seventh National Women’s All-Around Title
- Simone Biles Felt ‘Called’ to Return to the Olympics for a Very Important Reason
- We Asked Trauma Therapists How to Deal With Triggering News Headlines About Sexual Assault