It’s almost a full year into life with the coronavirus pandemic, and you’ve probably learned a lot about how to live alongside the virus. You might have a grasp on the basics: masks, social distancing, and frequent handwashing are all daily defenses against COVID-19 spread. However, balancing your need to stay safe with your need for social interaction might be a little more complicated.
“At the start of the pandemic, the majority of community transmission within the United States was occurring in crowded public settings such as events, restaurants, and workplaces,” Meghan May, M.S., Ph.D., professor of Microbiology and Infectious Diseases at the University of New England College of Osteopathic Medicine, tells SELF. As many states adopted social distancing practices (think: indoor dining restrictions, remote learning, and working from home), some of the worry surrounding transmission has shifted from large gatherings to smaller ones, Dr. May explains. This was especially a concern for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) during the holiday season when lots of people were having (and traveling for) smaller gatherings.
We get it. Only interacting with people in your household can be challenging (especially if your only housemate is a half-dead succulent named Sookie). This is why COVID-19 bubbles or pandemic pods—small groups who agree to socially interact only with each other to minimize transmission risk—have become more popular. The thing is, small pods aren’t automatically secure. So no one would blame you if you have a few concerns, especially as more news swirls about COVID-19 variants and experts emphasize that we need to give the virus fewer chances to mutate. Meaning, we need to curb COVID-19 spread.
How do you know you should break up with your COVID-19 bubble?
Many conversations about COVID-19 pods focus on an exact number of people that is or isn’t “safe,” but pod size might not matter as much as factors like “leakiness,” Dr. May explains. For instance, the National Basketball Association (NBA) was able to play last season without any reported COVID-19 cases because they sequestered players, staff, and media as necessary. “The ‘NBA Bubble’ was a very large number of people, but it was successful because the control measures were very strong,” Dr. May says, adding that those types of protocols aren’t practical for most people. “All members have to be willing and able to strictly follow control measures—minimal public outings, masking, elimination of indoor dining, et cetera. In many ways, it comes down to trust in your pod mates,” she says.
It might help to think of pandemic pods as ethically non-monogamous relationships, Emily Jamea, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., tells SELF. “This means that everyone in the pod needs to be honest about how their behavior might impact other people around them. We have to be honest about who else we’re seeing outside the pod. And we can’t always wait for people to be frank, open, and honest with us.”
So if you’re on the fence about whether or not you need distance from a pod, ask yourself if you have clear guidelines and boundaries. If you don’t, you can address your concerns with a (virtual) group meeting. Once you’ve established clear guidelines, you can also set aside regular pod check-ins—separate from your normal game nights or hangs—where everyone can talk through concerns. Or if you see your pod every weekend, for instance, Dr. Jamea suggests a regular text a few days before your hang. “As the weekend approaches, ask, ‘Have you guys been out-and-about any more than usual? Do we need to reconsider?’” Dr. Jamea says.
Ultimately, everyone can work together to decide which guidelines make sense for the pod. But, even if there are clear boundaries, interacting with people outside of your household still carries a risk. And pods don’t diminish the need for masks, staying six feet apart, and other best practices. So, even if you’re podding with the most responsible people on the planet, you’re allowed to take a step back if you feel that it’s the safest thing for you.
If you’re ready to break up with your pandemic pod, here are some tips:
1. Explain your concerns as honestly and politely as possible.
If someone in your pandemic pod did something to taint the pod, you might be outraged. It’s understandable—especially if you all made agreements to keep each other safe. You should definitely voice your concerns and explain exactly why you’re leaving the group. That said, you can do it in a way that honors your feelings and respects everyone else’s autonomy, even when it goes against the best public health practices. After all, you can only control yourself and your own safety.
When having these conversations, Dr. Jamea suggests using tried-and-true “I statements.” So instead of saying something like, “Your recklessness is putting us all at risk,” you can say, “I’m feeling uncomfortable because we seem to have different standards on what is and isn’t okay to do as a pod. So I’m going to pull back for my own safety.” Both statements get your point across, but one focuses on your needs while the other one is more accusatory.
2. Expect emotional reactions from your pod and within yourself.
When you tell your loved ones that you are taking a step away, you might feel some guilt or shame. Or the people in your pod might try and convince you that your precautions are unreasonable (they aren’t). No matter what emotions arise, your impulse to step away is no less valid, Dr. Jamea says. Try to remember that people are allowed to have their reactions, and you’re allowed to do what’s best for you.
3. Find other ways to stay connected.
You are well within your right to leave a situation that isn’t working for you, but you probably don’t want to distance yourself forever. Instead, try to brainstorm alternatives that feel safe and comfortable for you, Marisa G. Franco, Ph.D., counseling psychologist and friendship expert, tells SELF. This might include distanced walks when the weather is nicer or weekly Zoom hangouts until you all have the vaccine, Dr. Franco suggests. The idea is to explain that you’re taking a step back from physical closeness, but you still want to remain connected.
4. Think about how you’ll practice self-care once you leave your COVID-19 bubble.
It might seem like a small transition, but against the backdrop of a global pandemic, deciding to limit your social circle might leave you feeling sadder than usual. “We are not a species that is meant to live in isolation,” Dr. Jamea explains.
Even though staying away from your pandemic pod might be best for your overall health, make sure you have some emotional support and coping strategies in place when feelings like sadness, loneliness, or stress arise. This can include a list of activities that bring you joy, a self-care plan, or even resources like online support groups and other mental health resources.
Related:
- Feeling Lonely? Here’s How to Deal
- Still Quarantining Alone During the Pandemic? Read This.
- How to Take Care of Others When You Can Barely Take Care of Yourself